Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay 

Well, dear reader, if you have followed me thus far, you will have noticed that I have avoided the thorny question of the ‘S’ word. No, not stilettos although I actually do have a problem with them. In fact, my therapist says I am probably a shoe fetishist.  That’s another story!  No, the ‘S’ word I refer to is sex. There I said it!  You may think that all trans-women are the same – well, we are not. 

At one end of the spectrum there are happily married girls with real women as wives (this is going to get complicated!)  Then there are trans-women who are only attracted to hunky guys (straight or gay.) I am neither.  I am in the grey area between the two.  I am not drawn to men at all.  I love the company of women – after all, they are the very people that I aspire to be, so it isn’t that surprising.  Do I find myself attracted to women?  Well yes but only in so far as I want to be like them and look as attractive as they do.  Could I have sex with a real woman?  I will answer that when I get any offers!!  Could I have sex with a man who presents as a man?  Definitely no!  So, it does not take a genius to work out who I am actually attracted to.  Yes, dear reader, I like other trans-women.  I like my genetic males who present as females.  But I am very fussy!  A hairy guy in a dress does not float my boat!

You can see why ‘normal’ people find it all hard to grasp as we are a mixed bunch.

On the other side of the equation are the ‘men’ who are attracted to trans-women.  Are they basically gay but rationalise their sexuality by reasoning that the object of their desire actually ‘looks like a woman.’  You would be surprised just how many of these ‘trannie-chasers’ there are.  I know, I have had lots of offers online! – I am flattered but not interested thank you!  Not all trans-women who end up having gender surgery go on to relationships with men.  Some stay with their female partner or find another.

Maybe now you can see some of the many permutations in the gender equation.  The one area I am totally unqualified to discuss here is that of trans-men: i.e. genetic women who transition into men.  Numerically, I suspect they are a smaller group, but have exactly the same validity as trans-women like me.

One bonus of being a trans-woman is that real women are mostly very supportive of us and I have lots of them now as really good friends.  Maybe this is because they do not see me as a predatory male and more like one of them.  For me this is win/win – lucky me!  Plus, they find us fascinating and have lots of questions to ask me as well as giving me shoes!

I have barely scratched the surface of attraction here so I could sum it all up by saying we a re drawn to all sorts of people in al genders and sexes and we cannot explain why – we just are.  In the 21^st century anything is possible – and acceptable – and will not be judged by society as a whole as it has been in the past.

I have said it before but now is the best time to be trans – or gay, or bi, or anything away from the norm.  The freedom to be different has taken a long time to achieve and at a great cost to those who came before us.  We should cherish this freedom and make the most of the opportunities that have been fought for on our behalf.

If I could change anything in life for all of us it would be to get rid of our own sense of guilt.  Society may be more tolerant now but the sense of guilt some of us – in all sexual persuasions – carry, is very self-destructive and we are our own worst enemy.

So to sum up my personal thoughts – accept whatever sex/gender/sexuality you are, love yourself – and be kind to yourself – and then, if you are really fortunate – as I am – find a person who makes you happy regardless of how society see them or whatever ‘plumbing arrangement’ they may have!

Angie

If you would like to find a trans support group in your area check out Trans Unite website here.