What is a dildo?

Dildos are sex toys used for vaginal or anal penetration. They do not have motors or moving parts which is what distinguishes them from vibrators. Dildos are made from a wide range of materials including plain rubber, silicone, vinyl, plastic, metal, wood, and glass. You can get a dildo in almost any shape and size imaginable.

Choosing a dildo

Choosing the right dildo comes down to deciding three basic questions: the shape, size and colour of your preferred dildo; the material the dildo is made from; and harness compatibility.
The shape depends on both personal preference and what you want the dildo to do. If you want your dildo to look exactly like a penis, choose a realistic one. Some are even models of the actual penises of famous porn stars. Many men fantasize about watching their partner have sex and using a realistic dildo is certainly a way of fulfilling this fantasy without jealousy getting in the way. Phallic shapes are designed to provide pleasure from penetration but without resembling an actual penis. Many are very stylishly designed and are a good choice if discretion is important, whilst travelling for example. The more unusual, angled shapes are designed to stimulate the G-spot or, in the case of men, the prostate. Double ended dildos can be bent in a C-shape for double penetration on one person or shared between partners vaginally and anally. A specialist anal dildo should have a flared base or handle to prevent it being lost inside the rectum if inserted fully.

Dildos can range in length from 4 inches/10.2 cm to 12 inches/30.5 cm and more! Widths go from 1 inch/2.5 cm to 3 inches/7.5 cm plus. It’s not always easy to estimate the ideal size. Get it wrong and disappointment is guaranteed. One suggestion is to use your fingers or a vegetable like a carrot or cucumber to help you decide what width and length to get. Wash anything you insert in any orifice of your body prior to doing so and then experiment to determine what will bring you the most pleasure. You can also ask your partner to help. It could make for a fun sexual adventure!

Colour is entirely a personal choice. The good news is that the days of being able to choose any colour as long as it was pink or ivory are long gone. There’s a multitude of colours available today, especially with silicone dildos.

Dildos are available in a variety of materials, each with its own pros and cons. Silicone dildos are many people’s first choice for quality, variation in shape, size, and colour, and ease of cleaning. Jelly dildos are inexpensive and can be great beginner’s toys. Cyberskin dildos offer an incredibly soft feel, without the higher cost of silicone. Materials such as metal, glass, ceramic and wood make beautiful products. They are also more responsive to body heat and will warm up more quickly. Conversely they are excellent for sex games and erotic massage as they can be chilled in the fridge before use to give your partner that extra special ‘frisson’ of pleasure.

If you think you may ever want to use your dildo in a strap on harness, it's best to start with a model that is harness compatible. There are two key criteria: the dildo should have a flared base wide enough so it won't slip through a standard harness; and it needs to be firm enough not to flop around in order to achieve successful penetration.

Using a dildo

Even if you're planning on using a dildo with a partner, start out by experimenting on your own so you can find out what gives you the most pleasure. You can then tell your partner how you want them to use it on you.

The first thing to do when you buy a dildo is to wash it well before use. Keeping sex toys free from bacteria is very important for your personal health and hygiene. Look it over carefully and check for any faults. Make sure you've read and understood the care instructions for the material your dildo is made of.

Always apply a good quality lubricant with toys used for penetration. This will make everything you do with your dildo more sensitive and more enjoyable. Squeeze some lube into your hand and rub it along the shaft and tip of the dildo. Use your fingers to put some lube in and around those areas of the body where you intend to use the dildo. Using a condom on your dildo will make it easier to clean up and will also extend the life of your dildo. Do not use silicone based lubricant with silicone dildos, nor oil based lube with rubber ones as they will damage your toys.

Most dildos are safe for vaginal penetration, but not all dildos are safe for anal use. If you want to use your dildo for anal play it should have a flared base to stop it from slipping up into the rectum and it should be completely smooth and seamless. Never move a dildo from the anus to the vagina without using a fresh condom each time or you run the risk of bacterial infection. Never use your dildo on a partner without either cleaning it or putting on a fresh condom first.

The first time you use your dildo, start by using it externally. Rub it against your body, pressing it into your skin, rolling it over your sensitive parts. When you first insert the dildo go slowly. See what it feels like to have just the tip of the dildo inside you. Even if you know you like deep penetration, take time to explore variation in what you can do with your dildo. Once you've mastered the basics, experiment with different depths of penetration. Some people like deep penetration, with long slow strokes; others like shallow and fast thrusting. You may want to start with one and finish with another. Also experiment with motion; there's in and out, but there's also up and down, side to side, and twisting. In many respects a dildo can do a lot of things that a penis can’t!

Using a dildo can be a boon to sexual fantasy. It's like having someone else in the room who is exactly the size and shape you want, and who moves precisely the way you want them to every time. If you don't engage in a lot of sexual fantasy, close your eyes, breathe deep, play with your dildo and let your mind wander. You can replay some old favourite sex experiences in your head, or imagine new ones.

Dildos are made for internal stimulation but you can combine dildo penetration with clitoral stimulation to take the pleasure to a new level. If you find it difficult to coordinate your fingers on the clitoris with the dildo motion in the other hand, use a small vibe for clitoral stimulation. If you are using a realistic dildo, attach a vibrating cock ring to its base and that will do the clitoral work for you.

There are many ways to use a dildo with a partner. They can use it on you, you can use it on them, or one of you can use it on yourself while the other watches or does other things. What's most important is that all partners commit to talking it through the first couple of times. Ask what works and what doesn't. Is there any trepidation? It can be good to use it on yourself while your partner watches at least once, so they can see what you like and how you do it.

Some people like to use dildos for double penetration. Double penetration requires a lot of patience and lubricant. Protection is also important if you're going to do it safely. Do not transfer the dildo from the vagina to the anus or vice versa without cleaning it first or putting on a fresh condom each time.
Dildos are not just for female pleasure. They can be used to stimulate the prostrate in men which in turn increases the ejaculation while providing a mind blowing sexual experience. The prostate is equivalent to the G-spot in women and can be stimulated by inserting a dildo at least three inches into the anus and stroking toward the front of the body through the walls of the rectum. Always use anal lubricant to facilitate insertion and gently rub back and forth on the prostate. The resulting climax will be unforgettable.

Looking after a dildo

Silicone dildos will last a long time if properly looked after. They should always be cleaned after use. This can be done mild soap and water or better still, an anti-bacterial cleaner. Alternatively, they can be boiled in water for up to five minutes; you can even put them in the top rack of a dishwasher. Silicone can be damaged by tearing. Even a small cut will quickly turn into a large tear, so keep your dildo away from sharp objects, teeth, etc. If you're using your toy in a harness, take extra care to make sure it's not forced through the opening. Silicone based lubricants should be avoided as they will damage your silicone toy.

Other materials can be cleaned with a wet cloth and mild soap or alcohol. For added protection, use an anti-bacterial cleaner. Avoid harsh detergents. Be sure to wash your toy before its first use and after each subsequent use.