We go to work, meet people, chat, get to know some others less so. We give out bits of our lives to them and leave an impression. We present an image of ourselves – usually in the best light possible. Should we care how others see us? I don’t know.

Some people keep their private lives secret from friends, family and work colleagues.  Fine.  Some people tell anybody who will listen everything about themselves in minutest detail.  Also fine. But what if there is a part of your life that is so important to you, which actually explains who, and what you are but you cannot tell anyone for the fear of rejection. Some gay people tell nobody they are. Some gay people are so obviously gay – either in mannerisms or dress etc – that it does not need to be pointed out. Others then have the choice of getting on with them or not.

So, what if you are part of the huge spectrum that is being transgender? You can keep it quiet if you want to. Nobody has to know. So why tell people? Well, if you have friends or family who like you as a person, you would tell them if you had cancer, lost your job, got divorced or were depressed wouldn’t you? Being trans is such a large part of who we are, then people should know.

It’s a bit like telling your partner you are trans, but the consequences are less traumatic!  There is actually very little risk involved because, well, what could go wrong? If your friends like you as Jack, they should still like you as Jill! Shouldn’t they?

So, how to do it? Well, I had a cunning plan – do it by stealth! Just a bit at a time – see how they react! It wasn’t so much telling the, it was more by showing them. I started wearing clear nail polish. Ok some guys wear it – no big deal. Then mascara. Again – not too weird.  Then eyeshadow and perfume – now it’s getting serious. Should they say something, or ask why?  It’s their problem, not mine. It’s not like I am ramming it down their throat, is it. (Sorry, bad innuendo – but I had to slip it in! – sorry, double innuendo – naughty Angela!)  Then, when people were used to me being a bit weird, ‘off-piste’ as it were, it wasn’t such a big deal to spill the beans. By then, a few ladies at work already knew anyway as I had come out to them in the middle of a minor breakdown and they were lovely to me. Not judgemental, not disgusted – just glad to help me through my emotional crisis. Have I mentioned that while I have a male anatomy, I have the emotional brain of a pre-menstrual housewife who reads romantic novels and cries over lost pet stories on the local news!

So, back to the others. One by one I told people – starting with those I knew best. Then my bosses who needed to know that one day I might come in work as Angie. Again, all were great – no big deal. I just said it in a ‘matter of fact’ kind of way. Easy peasy! After a few months most work colleagues knew or at least, must have seen – unless they were blind or oblivious – that I looked different.

All of the above had an added bonus. If I could do all this with no bad reactions, then what else was possible? By then my confidence was sky high. I was spending most of my free time living as Angie. I went shopping and to appointments as Angie. I went into town as Angie. I got a few funny looks but no actual problems. I was invincible! Well. Not quite. I always dressed sensibly and appropriately. I only went out in daytime and avoided dodgy places and situations.  It would be madness to walk past a pub at 10 o’clock at night!

Anyway, the point is – what we are – in all our many permutations of sex, gender, preferences etc – is in our heads all of the time.  We know who – and what we are. To us, it is a big deal. To most other people it is no more than “ok, so you are different – so what!” and a shrug of the shoulders.

So, if you want people to know you are trans, then let them know. Just don’t expect a huge reaction. To them it is just another facet in what makes you the person you are. Their opinion of you, good or bad, will not change. They may be pleased you had enough trust in them that you could tell them. Some people – usually women – are fascinated by trans-girls and will happily chat about makeup, lingerie and shoes etc.  Hang on to these friends!  They are worth their weight in gold nail polish! They have truly accepted what you are. To the rest who are mostly indifferent anyway – carry on as before.  IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL!!! Trust me, I have been there, done it and bought the rainbow t-shirt!

Angie

If you would like to find a trans support group in your area, check out Trans Unite website here.