Over the past few years, quite a few people have felt like they are not having the sex life they want, or they feel like they have lost that spark that made previous liaisons so passionate and invigorating.

This is understandable whether you are single or in a relationship; over time in a relationship, you can fall into a routine due to all of the other pressures in life getting in the way, and after several quite strange years, people often have a different relationship to the sexual part of themselves.

All of this is understandable, but if you want to get that spark back, you can if you are willing to explore yourself mentally, emotionally and sexually. 

Explore Your Love And Sexual Languages

There is a theory that most people express their affection for someone else through five basic “love languages”:

• Words of affirmation.
• Physical touch.
• Giving and Receiving Gifts.
• Acts of Service.
• Quality Time.

The idea is that by understanding how someone shows their love you can understand them and your relationship better.

However, there is a similar sexual language as well, as people communicate their desires in very different ways, and it is important to understand what makes you feel good and feel sexy in yourself.

It can be something as simple as wearing a sexy lingerie set that clings to you in just the right way, it can be a way you like to be spoken to or treated in the bedroom, or it can be touching yourself or using toys in a particular place or way that turns you on.

This will start with yourself and then spread to more candid conversations with your romantic partner or potential sexual partners.

Build Up Slowly

If you have not had sex for a while, build up to it slowly, whether you are single or with a partner. You do not need to go immediately from zero to full sex, especially if you do not feel completely right.

Build up slowly through small gestures. Kisses, holding hands, cuddling, touching each other and other intimate gestures do not need to lead to sex but can build up that intimacy and desire again.

Anticipation is often really sexy, after all, and little gestures can lead to flirty behaviour, can lead to foreplay and can lead to sex when both of you are ready.